Is it real, or is it Memorex?

I was reading The Anchoress' blog about Mother Dolores Hart and her book, The Ear of the Heart. I was thinking about the Mother Superior sending Dolores back to the world when she first expressed an interest in the religious life, so that Dolores would be able to come back from a successful career, have something to offer. Then when Dolores returns, the superior sends her back to the world for another five months so that she could tie up any loose ends and 'enter the cloister honestly'. I read this and flashed back to my own entrance to religious life, where I left in the middle of the night and was trying to escape my night terrors and delusions. I never did honestly enter the cloister. I didn't want to stay there for the rest of my life, only until I could sleep without fear. At every decision point I prayed that the nuns would send me home. I came up with reason after reason for them to send me home. I wonder why I believe that I have a vocation now? Is it real, or am I trying to escape from something again? My meditation this morning was on giving myself totally to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I try, but without emotion. Is my attempt real, or more delusion? I'm not sure, and can only pray for guidance. Am I just over analyzing? Stay tuned!